If you've read some of my previous posts, you'll know that my mother refuses to accept the fact that I'm grown up while she pushes me to be more "mature."  Add this to our having wildly varying opinions and you have the recipe for antagonism (salt to taste).

My mother called me last night and brightly informed me that she is coming to visit.  She'll be arriving on Friday morning and departing on Sunday afternoon.  I was stunned into silence by this news.  She babbled on about how she was "keeping her promise" of coming to visit me at least once a month (which, I might add, hasn't been mentioned in roughly six months).  I sat there and listened with a sense of dread.  Suddenly, she stopped and asked me if that was okay.  I told her that I had midterms for the next two weeks.  The word "midterms", to a college student, usually means "don't expect to have contact with me at all for the next two weeks."  To my mother, this means that I am in dire need of a maid.  She started getting all bubbly again and chattered about how she could do my dishes, cook my meals, and do my laundry.  At this, I backtracked and told her that all I had due the second week was a paper.  I was about to continue and say that it really wasn't a good idea, but she didn't let me.  Instead she started assuring me that she wouldn't be a distraction and would let me write my paper.  She then proceeded to ask me if I had classes on Halloween.  I said of course I had classes.  She asked, rather suspiciously if I had plans for the weekend.  I lied and said no because those plans were with my boyfriend who she decidedly does not approve of.  She told me to feel free to tell her if I was going out with a girlfriend from school.  I got annoyed at that point and informed her that said girlfriend had midterms too and probably wouldn't be available for the next two weeks either.  My mother missed my irritated tone of voice entirely and said that the timing was perfect.  Suddenly she backtracked and told me that "if I didn't want her down there this weekend or it was a bad time, I could tell her and her feelings wouldn't be hurt."  Which is complete and utter bullshit, but I certainly didn't tell her so.  I glumly told her that it would be fine.  Elated, she told me to have a good night and hung up.

Here are my reasons for not wanting my mother to come visit me:

A) She has this strange idea that I'm incapable of functioning when she isn't around.  She constantly asks me about what I'm eating, what I'm doing, who I'm seeing, if I'm exercising regularly, etc.  She has to know every single little detail about my life in order to assure herself that I'm okay which means she's going to be hovering over my shoulder the entire weekend.
B) She picks on me constantly.  She nitpicks about my weight, about my looks, about my study habits, about my hygiene habits, my cleaning habits, etc.  She tells me that I'll never have a boyfriend (never mind that I've had three already) and how nobody is going to like me because I don't take care of my appearance or because I have, in her opinion, a bad attitude.
C) She doesn't like my boyfriend.  Which means that I can't see him, talk to him on the phone, or even risk texting him (yes, she checks on who I'm texting).  Why doesn't she like him?  Because he's "not good enough for me."  Translation: he's not good enough for her.  Which means I'm not allowed to see him or communicate with him and the pressure's on because I can't let slip that we're still together (she deludes herself by thinking we broke up six months ago even though I haven't said anything of that nature).
D)  I have no autonomy when she's around.  My dad's noticed this.  The moment I enter the picture, she becomes tyrannical.  Our entire relationship is based around a power game.  It's all about her being dominant just because I'm her daughter.  So she feels like she has free reign to tell me what to do, when to do it, what to eat, when to eat it, where to go with who and when, etc.  It becomes a game of seeing how long I can last before telling her that I'm an adult and can decide for myself all these things.  At which point she likes to tell me that she's "just trying to help and stop having such a bad attitude about it because no one likes an immature fat girl with a bad attitude."  And if I tell her that she stresses me out, she tells me that I stress her out and that her controlling "is the good kind."

With all of these reasons in mind, I have a lot on my plate this coming week.  I have two midterms and a paper due.  I have another paper the day after she leaves, which means I have to write it while she's here, looking over my shoulder.  On top of that, I'm going to have to do laundry, clean my apartment until it shines, clean out my fridge of "not acceptable" goods, and get everything I'm not supposed to have out of here.  Which is a lot.  There's lingerie and stockings, dresses, pants, cosmetics, and stuff my boyfriend left here.  And if my apartment isn't sparkling, she'll promptly tell me that "my husband won't put up with living in a pigsty."  And if I look anything less than my best when I pick her up, she'll tell me so whether it's too much or too little make-up, looking a little overweight, needing to pluck my eyebrows or upper lip, or what clothes I'm wearing.

She only told me last night that she was coming and I'm already stressed beyond belief.  I've been okay this weekend, writing a paper, studying for my midterms, trying to get some transfer credit paperwork in and sending out emails so that I can declare and sign up for classes on the 30th.  Now, I'm freaking out about my midterms, trying to schedule when I'm going to see my boyfriend so I can give him all my contraband items, figure out when I'm going to do laundry and then wash my sheets, when I'm going to clean my kitchen, bathroom, etc, and trying to fit in writing two papers.

Suddenly, I have to be Supergirl.  I don't enjoy being Supergirl because I'm not Supergirl.  And I feel totally helpless, like there's no way I can not be Supergirl simply because my mother requires it.  Because, in the end, my mother always ends up winning and I always end up crushed under her foot.  Because I'm not perfect and she has always expected nothing less than perfection.  Because if I don't fit into the mold she forces me into, she treats me like I'm worthless.  And if I fight back, she tells me I'm a terrible person and I'm going to die alone because no one likes a person like me.  And if I cry, she'll tell me that my tears are cheap.

I've always wanted to have a good relationship with my mother, but her definition of a good relationship is so different from mine.  I want us to be able to discuss things.  I want to be able to agree to disagree about things.  And it's cheesy, but I want to show her who I am and I want her to accept me for who I am.  But all she wants is for me to bow down to her and do exactly what she tells me to do.  She doesn't want a daughter, but a puppet so she can live vicariously through me.  Because this was always her dream.  She wanted to go to an Ivy League university and become a doctor, marry a doctor or a lawyer, and then go on to raise a few kids.  Instead, she married a military officer, got her BA two decades later, and had only one daughter.  So she wants the life she always wanted for me.  But that's not what I want.  I want to be a psychologist and continue my relationship with my boyfriend, who plans on enlisting in the military after finishing his degree.  But beyond that, I want to see where life takes me.  And I have faith that God will direct me down the correct paths, or if I wander, he'll direct me back to the right path.

But in the meantime, I'm still stuck dealing with my mother.  So I'll go crazy this week trying to get everything done before she gets here and then she'll get here and there will be very little to do.  And because of that, we'll end up spending too much idle time together and we'll fight.  And then we'll pretend that everything was great when she flies home on Sunday.  And it will be a lie because it always is a lie and then I'll hate myself for not being the daughter my mother wanted.

I'm depressed enough right now to drink myself into oblivion and eat half of that pumpkin spice bundt cake I baked last night, but I don't dare because I have paperwork to fill out, a midterm to study for, and I can't risk putting on any extra weight between now and Friday.  Bye-bye carbs.

I don't consider myself an avid consumer of beauty products or a good reviewer of them, but I do like to occasionally let other people know what works for me.  That said, I'll start with the nail polish.

I recently bought another nail polish at Sephora, a silvery-blue color called Shiny Dancer.  It turned out pretty nice.  The color is really close to denim, as will be seen in photos below.  It was pretty typical as far as application when.  I put two coats on my left hand, and three on my right (because I'm right handed, so the coating isn't as even) over the base coat, and then added top coat.  I really liked the color because I wear a lot of blue, and this went with everything I wore.  I wore some gold sandals too, and my pedicure really stood out!  It's pretty glittery, and it's labeled as metallic on Sephora's website.  (Next up is a similar polish on the other side of the color wheel, a orangey bronze called Rumba Romance!)

Something else I also tried recently is Veet's Suprem' Essence.  It's a spray on formula, very different from the Nair Shower Power one I tried before that I felt didn't work very well.  While I was surprised by the spray at first, I ended up liking it better.  I didn't have to get it all over my hands, which was really nice.  It came with a little double ended rubber spatula to scrape the stuff off when it was time.  Another thing I really liked was that it was stronger than the Nair I had tried, only requiring 3-6 minutes, rather than 6-15 min.  The only problem was that I felt a bit of a burn, something I didn't get with the Nair, but there hasn't been any lasting irritation, and I used it on my bikini area, so I take all of this as a good sign!  I plan on trying the spray on my legs in a little bit, so we'll see how I feel about it later.  Like Nair, it didn't totally get rid of all the hairs at my bikini line, but it definitely thinned them out, better than the Nair did.

Last, my newest item, my latest steal.  I bought the Blu-Ray/DVD and digital copy of Sucker Punch on Amazon for $23.  $23!  I was astounded.  The price was actually what got me to pre-order it (it doesn't come out until Tuesday) instead of waiting to go find it somewhere.  I figure I can keep the DVD and load the digital copy on my laptop and give the Blu-Ray disc to J because he has a PS3, aka a player that plays Blu-Ray discs!  The Blu-Ray disc also has the extended version of the movie, which I'm really excited to see because I liked the theatrical version, but definitely thought there was something missing from it that could have made it much better.

So yay for saving money, and yay for products that work!

A quick post before I go take my first final for the end of this quarter.

One of my favorite things ever are Hot Topic's knee-high crew socks.  They have cushioned bottoms, come in lots of colors (though I only see black and white online right now), and are so exceptionally comfy!  I always pull out these socks (as long as they're clean!) if the temperature is going to be lower than 60 degrees Fahrenheit.  I only buy one pair at a time and then just buy a new one when the one pair wears out, but they're a steal at $6.99 a pair.  They last me about two-three years because the cushioned bottoms don't get holes in them as easily as non-cushioned bottom socks do.  Plus, they make shoes really comfortable.  My flat boots WILL hurt my feet if I'm in them all day, but that's not a problem anymore with these socks.  And they keep me warm when I wear them, so extra win there!

Now, off to my exam!